How Med School Changed My Vocabulary

8 Jun

This is my nth attempt to revive my blog, hoping this post will not end up in drafts like all the others did. I wish to not bother editing this to my writer heart’s content and just let my thoughts flow naturally, to figure out how to put them together beautifully as effortlessly as I used to.

Whenever I think about writing again, I get inspired with how fluid and exciting my ideas are in my mind. However, when I actually start typing, I suddenly can not find the right words. I would get disappointed at how I have this wonderful image of an essay with all the feelings and inspiration I want my words to transpire but could not translate it into paragraphs, not even sentences at times. At first, it made me feel impaired. It is undoubtedly difficult to not be able to do something you used to do so easily, but I chose to believe that I still have it in me. I just have to trace the source of my temporary impairment and conquer it once and for all.

It has been three years since my last blog post. I may have stopped creating non-school related content midway through college but I still passed well-written papers as class requirements. Hence, I figured I did not really have a problem with writing back then. Perhaps, composing school papers were simply enough to satisfy my yearning. Fast forward to first year medical school and boy, that must have been how caterpillars felt, knowing that they have to get into a cocoon to become a butterfly and changing drastically once inside, except the first few weeks felt like inner chaos to me.

From writing tons of papers in college, I now mainly just read, with my not-a-single-bit-a-reader heart finding relief and celebrating all the effort I put in each page I get to turn. One long exam period after another, I found my receptive vocabulary gradually improving. I used to be just good at memorization. Now, my comprehension skills are already catching up. I could not be prouder of myself for everything I was able to achieve that year.

It was not until I was answering one of my manuals that I realized my expressive vocabulary got left behind. I, with writing skills a handful found delighting and believed had the potential to go a long way, was stuck with pen, paper and a well-thought-out answer I can not transform into words. I struggled with this for the rest of the school year, not only in terms of academics but also as I sought relaxation in creative writing and got disheartened instead.

With around four hundred and fifty words at this point, I can not help but smile as I finish each sentence. In all my attempts, this is the farthest I have gone, a huge stride towards finally putting an end to months of struggling. I can now begin to rekindle the love between my creative mind and my writer heart, hoping to inspire others as I strive to sustain this momentum of keeping my passions alive that they may also gain theirs.




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